I ate for the past 2 days. I feel disgusting, and dehydrated!!! I gained back 4/8 of the pounds I lost, but I'll lose them all fast status so I'm not too worried. I had a nutritious breakfast of a rice krispy treat, but I'm getting high later- so who knows. If all goes well, I won't be eating any more.

I got reunited with some blow today, shits good. I am feeling pretty alright, but I should have saved a line for work. Shits so cash at work. I have a really bubbly personality when I talk with people, but when I did a line here... Damn! Work was amazing for that hour, haha. I was singing at the register. I love it.

I won't be buying any more cocaine, for I must use my next 4 paychecks for bills!

But if I get christmas money... ;D!

Is like 60% about Richard.
90% about my fat
10% success
100% FAILURE

and uh, 0 progress.

Holy shit, hahaha.

T_T No food till buuuuuuuuuuur NEVER, fuck today! Fuck fuck fuck this all!

Richard: That's right, I WIN. Still, I wake up and feel sick though...so maybe I dont win.
Me: My day didn't turn out win neither. My bank just over drafted me because of 2 dollars, my car has no gas, books locked in broken trunk, good way to begin!
Richard: Broken trunk?
Me: Yes. I don't know why. My car is deciding to break.
Richard: Well so is my body -_-
Me: Unlike a car and a bank account, you will get better on your own.

He's still young and carefree. Yeah, we're the same age- but he doesn't really understand the important of things. He takes everything for granted. I can't afford gas on an empty tank because they don't accept credit card near me. My car is breaking and I can't afford to fix it. I already gave up on buying groceries the past 3 weeks, I'm down to less than one handful of shampoo...

He owes me 60 dollars. I just wrote him a long message telling him that I NEED that money NOW. I'm still waiting for a response... Sigh.

I am not going to see him until he gives me at least a portion of that money. I wasted gas to see him and now I can't even drive to class today. I don't understand how someone can just not understand, how he can just underestimate my sincerity. Okay, he just responded...

"That stupid mexican hasn't given me shit or I could give you 30 right now."

I have nothing to do with that fucking mexican, why would he keep blaming him? He has no bills to pay, he lives with his parents. I don't know how I'm ever going to live on my own, I can't afford to pay for gas and basic necessities.


I am fasting today, for real. I need order somewhere.

Oh cool, he just said he would give me 5 dollars. Oh joy.
A fine ass industrial boy has been trying to date me, I should just see him. Fuck. At least I know he wouldn't fuck me over like this. He talks to me sweetly and begs my company- when has Richard done that on his own?

I am so fucking stressed out right now. Fuck 'love'

I went home for lunch so I could get my wallet, I said to myself, "I should leave my knife here- I don't want to lose it!" Oh, turns out I lost my WALLET. I have no fucking clue where I lost it. I'm sure it's somewhere in my room, probably- but I think I dropped outside the pet store >> we'll see!

Oh, and I'm a fucking fat fuck but nothing new- right?! I've got a gun to pick up next monday, I'm going to try liquid fasting till then. I felt like an asshole because I told a friend that if they give shit up they'll just keep repeating their mistakes- I'm a god damn hypocrite. Not this time, though! I'll prove it to myself.


Oh. AND ^^ Depsite shit all going to hell, I'm happy just because, (for once.)

Sigh.


My school did a ninja switch and not only did they raise the prices per unit, but my Math class switched books completely. Half the class bought the wrong book, so apparently we all need to buy a 109 dollar *CUSTOM EDITION* book for that class. I can't afford that shit. Gas costs 35 dollars to fill up my little baby jetta, and I need gas once a week. That's 70 dollars till my next pay check. Then 110 dollars for the math book... Then that's assuming I don't spend my money on anything else school/me related. *SIGH*

Richard owes me money, but he's hooking up my PSP with stolen video game firmware so I will never be bored at school again. I'm seeing him this friday, a full moon- we should do something *rawr* special. It's weird how much my libido goes up when I'm not fasting, hahaha.

RAWR >;]
Oh, but I seriously need to get my ass in gear. I'm getting huge.

I love my class schedule. People think I'm insane to be carrying a 17 unit work load AND working a part-time job, but I love it. I love the rush. I love being busy, for some reason I like being overwhelmed. I love being able to get through it, I guess knowing that I have SOME control over SOMETHING. It's hard, but it's titillating to me... Tomorrow I will restrict 300 or less calories.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein.

I keep shoving food down my throat 6 times a day and then I wonder why this realm won't allow me to be thin. I need to do this.